I have heard from many people wondering how I am doing or worried that I made it home safely since I have been completely quiet here. I feel bad for my complete lack of posts since leaving Sudan. It was not something I expected to happen but last week I found myself in an overwhelming fog. I was hit hard w/ jet lag, a nasty cold, major back issues & then just being back to my reality was the trumper. It was so great to get back home to my family & friends as well as the comforts of life but I didn't expect to have such a horrible feeling of disconnect w/ everything that I had just experienced. I have lived in the 3rd world & since then traveled to many corners of the world so these feelings shocked me. I have had a really difficult time trying to wrap my mind around the feelings & just couldn't figure out why I wasn't sooooo excited to start sharing all the images. It has now been 9 days since I have been home & even today I still couldn't understand why my motivation isn't there. But tonight it hit me. I am definitely a person who lives in the moment. I look forward to what is ahead of me but not w/ great expectations & I have never been one to relish in the past. Coming away from a trip where everyday was completely incredible in small & big ways I find myself in a spot where I really wish I could convey all that I experienced & am left looking at images that I don't think even scratch the surface. I have never had that feeling. I have looked at the images a handful of times & I am left empty. I want them to be so much more, to tell the incredible stories I learned of the strength, beauty & resilience of the people I met but they are just images...ugh, I wish I had words to better explain. When I think of my images from my last big trip to Laos my feelings are so different. I LOVE the images, I don't want anything more from them. I so wish I could have that settled feeling about this trip. I think I am struggling with knowing there is so much going on in S. Sudan right now & that the future of this region of the world is so tenuous. Seriously, I have sat at my keyboard for too many minutes now unable to find the words. All I know is that this trip has impacted me to my core, I don't want to forget this part of the world, I want to do more, I am not sure what form that will take but I cannot just be done, walk away with a file full of images. So my days have been spent with my little brain spinning about what I can do from here. I will for sure continue to work w/ Ujenzi & MGH and hopefully my lack of clarity will disappear with time. (Okay...this is crazy but I just re-read what I wrote & now sit w/ tears streaming down my face...this is not at all like me & I think my head might pop off from trying to figure it out & not be sad every time I think about all the people I met & their state of life...makes my stomach turn!)
So for now, I must force myself to start sharing what I did capture & hope that it is enough for now. If you are reading this I would love to receive any thoughts, feedback you have. I have never been one to ask for emails or comments about my images but I would be so grateful to hear your thoughts.
These were taken during my first visit to the local market.
2 comments:
Tara,
These photos are amazing & speak volumes about the people. I imagine that no photo would ever be able to tell the whole story. Don't be so hard on yourself!
You gave a lot, to be there, and be away from your family. I imagine you got a lot in return!
Tara -
The images are stunning! I especially loved the expressions on the babies photographed. The contrast between the fabrics and the environment are also breathtaking.
Your writings have inspired me to pick up a copy of What is What by Dave Eggers and also follow what happens with the referendum in the next few days.
Congratulations on stepping out of your comfort zone which is soooo hard to do as a mom with a full-time career and taking time out for an amazing journey / experience. Wishing you the best -
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